Religion in marriage

Dewi Cooke writes in The Sydney Morning Herald (http://www.smh.com.au/national/religion-less-crucial-in-wedlock-20090719-dpla.html, July 20, 2009) that more Australians are marrying outside their religion. The article is based on Monash University research which has found Christians have the highest rates of intermarriage, particularly with other Christian denominations. On the other hand, "emerging religions" such as Hinduism and Islam have the lowest.

Among Christians, Presbyterians (60%) are most prone to marrying someone of another faith, with Catholics down at 37%. Anglicans and Uniting Church members were a little higher at 41% and 43%.

Hindus and Muslims fitted in under the 10% level.

This does not necessarily mean that Hindus and Muslism are not good mixers, but reflects their more recent arrival in Australia. Succeeding generations may be more relaxed about intermarriage, according to researchers.

The newspaper report does not distinguish clearly between real inter-religious marriage (Christian and Hindu, for example) and mere inter-denominational marriage. A Presbyterian and a Baptist may see themselves as differing only in preferred style of worship service, for example, while the gap between a Pentecostal and a Muslim is necessarily vast.

With what Reformed historian, Martin Marty refers to as the "baptistification" of the church, denominational boundaries, never particularly strong, have weakened even at points such as that between Catholics and Protestants. This was once a very difficult barrier to cross.

Many more Catholics talk openly about their conversion experience or being born again, language previously often limited to evangelical Christians.

Evangelicals would often consider that experience a more important thing to share than a denominational label.

Another factor not addressed is the distinction between nominalism and genuine adherence to a faith community. An Anglican who attends church at Easter and Christmas may, in practical terms, be little different from his or her atheist partner, who doesn't see the point when it comes to God, but is willing to live and let live when it comes to believers.

Although the research is interesting, and may have implications for newly arrived religions in Australia, it does not answer many of the basic questions about faith in a secular society.

Marriage and happiness

A recent Sydney Morning Herald article (http://www.smh.com.au/national/love-and-loathing--2500-couples-reveal-clues-20090713-dih4.html) says that, while age differences can be a good predictor of likely divorce, religious differences generally are not.

An earlier article on the same study suggested that living together before marriage is not a predictor, contrary to several other studies I have seen.

The irrelevance of religious differences doesn't particularly surprise me, though.

A Catholic friend once told me that, in 50-odd years of marriage, she had never once contemplated divorce -- though she had often considered murder.

The fact is that most religions discourage divorce, and encourage extra efforts to make the relationship work So it is to be expected that a couple having different religions would tend to struggle through.

However, what this study does not reveal is happiness in such a relationship. As a pastor, I am all too aware of the plight of the person who does not share a faith with her or his partner. The woman sitting alone in a back pew, or struggling with the kids while her husband sleeps in; the man who does what he can, but can't take too many responsibilities because his wife expects him home.

I am also aware of the difficulties that can occur when you have one of each in a congregation, of similar age and background, who might never do anything questionable, but it is clear that they sometimes wish that they were married to each other.

St Paul was wise to warn against being unequally yoked with an unbeliever, because, in a marriage, it can be a cause of many tensions and much unhappiness. It will also -- and this is probably Paul's main concern -- mean that the Christian partner is unable to devote his or her time adequately to ministering to others and serving Christ.

The fact that something may not fall apart doesn't necessarily mean that it really works.