Marriage and happiness

A recent Sydney Morning Herald article (http://www.smh.com.au/national/love-and-loathing--2500-couples-reveal-clues-20090713-dih4.html) says that, while age differences can be a good predictor of likely divorce, religious differences generally are not.

An earlier article on the same study suggested that living together before marriage is not a predictor, contrary to several other studies I have seen.

The irrelevance of religious differences doesn't particularly surprise me, though.

A Catholic friend once told me that, in 50-odd years of marriage, she had never once contemplated divorce -- though she had often considered murder.

The fact is that most religions discourage divorce, and encourage extra efforts to make the relationship work So it is to be expected that a couple having different religions would tend to struggle through.

However, what this study does not reveal is happiness in such a relationship. As a pastor, I am all too aware of the plight of the person who does not share a faith with her or his partner. The woman sitting alone in a back pew, or struggling with the kids while her husband sleeps in; the man who does what he can, but can't take too many responsibilities because his wife expects him home.

I am also aware of the difficulties that can occur when you have one of each in a congregation, of similar age and background, who might never do anything questionable, but it is clear that they sometimes wish that they were married to each other.

St Paul was wise to warn against being unequally yoked with an unbeliever, because, in a marriage, it can be a cause of many tensions and much unhappiness. It will also -- and this is probably Paul's main concern -- mean that the Christian partner is unable to devote his or her time adequately to ministering to others and serving Christ.

The fact that something may not fall apart doesn't necessarily mean that it really works.